My 2yo was sitting next me eating breakfast and turned and sprayed on the side of my face.

Me: “We don’t spit on people.”

2yo: “Oh, ok. But I like to spit on bees. Cuz they’re stoopid.”

Me: “Oh, that’s not a nice word.”

2yo: “It’s not for people. It’s just for bees. Cuz they’re stoopid.”

My wife came down to grab her phone and called a greeting through my office door. I popped out to say hi, and we were embracing when our 8yo came down the stairs. I didn’t know who it was, but I could hear a child coming down, so I said, “Hold on! We’re having a moment.”

From the stairs, he said, “Nuts!”

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My 8yo came down with some coupons from a mailer to ask if I went to some of these places by myself, and if so, he would give me the coupons.

8yo: “Do you go to Popeyes?”

Me: “Yes.”

8yo: “Knew it. Here you go. Burger King?”

Me: “Nope.”

8yo: “Thought not. Arby’s?”

Me: “No.”

8yo: “I thought you’d go there. They have great cheese sticks. Or whatever they’re called.”

My 2yo was drinking out of his cup as I got him ready for bed, and as he finished it, I asked, “Would you like more water?”

2yo: “There is no more water. It all gone.”

Me: “Would you like me to get you more?”

2yo: “Oh, yes. Can you put some from yours into here?”

I poured some more water in and went to put his lid on, but he stopped me, “Will you not put the lid on? It’s not for right now.”

As he started drinking, he said, “Oh, I love Dr. Pepper.”

Me: “Yeah, it’s so good.”

2yo: “This cold Dr. Pepper ‘minds me. I love cold Dr. Pepper.”